I'm not a Toy

You make me feel stupid. I'm not a toy. Can't you just tell me what you really want? I'm trying here. If something changed, tell me. I can't say I didn't expect it. I told you so. I'm not stupid. I know how things go. It's called cynicism. It's handy sometimes.


This is why I didn't want to risk it.

This Isn't Goodbye :)

I've been suppressing some certain emotions from bursting to the surface. Most of the time I am successful...but sometimes I am not. A few weeks ago it was easy. However, time is against me. Lately, it's been getting harder to keep those feelings at bay. Today, I had the first of a series. I couldn't help it. It just dawned on me...no, rather, it just crashed down on me that we only have a few DAYS. I don't know how to spend it especially since I have school and training. I don't want you to leave and yet I want you to leave. [coz it will be for your future and you'll be fulfilling your goal of finally living on your own haha]

I know we'll stay friends forever. I know we'll never lose touch. I know that I'll be there for your graduation. I know a lot of things...

I know that we've been friends since grade 5...that we were the ones who started writing our own 'novels' that have silly plots that were entwined with our favourite movies. I know that it was us against the world except for that time in grade 6 and 7. I thought it was the end of our friendship but you sewed us back together with superglue this time. :) I know that throughout our highschool lives we were there for each other. We became sisters...not biological but you get the point haha.

That time when we ate in John and Yoko was where it really hit me. That time when you, Auti, and I laughed with a beat and we stopped at the same time pa... priceless XD. When we teased Auti about...being herself haha. When we shared 3 meals and split the bill hating-kapatid. When we ate dessert in the dessert place right beside where we ate dinner. When we said goodbye and hugged each other...I realized that the friendship we had was the most perfect that it can be. The fights that we had only made us stronger.

I'm going to miss us laughing together at the things only we think are funny no matter how corny they are. I'm going to miss our silent laughter and how we mimic how other people laugh. I'm going to miss seeing your face every morning when the school year starts. I'm going to miss getting ready at your house. I'm going to miss taking goofy pictures with you and how we absolutely don't care if we look ugly. I'm going to miss how you're so frank. I'm going to miss your steak baon complete with A1 sauce. I'm going to miss your habit of fixing your glasses. I'm going to miss everything.


I wish were born sisters haha. :)

This isn't goodbye, nics. imma miss youuuu

LSDC

Okay, I signed up for La Salle Dance Company last friday super last minute. It was weird coz it was 5 sharp when I got to La Salle main and I thought to myself that this was it; it's not meant to be. but the guards were nice enough to let me in since I was there earlier to sign up. [They were closed at the time so I had to come back after my classes were done] And so, I walked to Yuchenco Hall feeling apprehensive and scared. I mean, I'm signing up to join an actual DANCE CREW. One of my many dreams haha. And I don't think of myself as a very good dancer. Not good enough anyway for stuffs like crumping/ freestyle/ breakdance/ and everything else. I mean, the only training I've had was in cheerleading that had some hiphop and jazz flavor. I would've taken classes but I don't know- things just don't happen. XD So yeah, and I've heard that I'm not really the hip-hop-y type. I'm hoping I can prove that wrong. I mean, I've always wanted to be that girl on step up 2 minus the bad acting. hahaha.


Thanks to Nica and Paula yesterday for helping me out with the choreo. :) Your comments mean a lot

Busy Bee

I've been so busy with school. no joke. i have less subjects than what i had during highschool and yet i can't find time to relax, go online, talk on the phone, visit friends, ETC. [no, not the channel hahaha]

So I can't regularly update my blog :( But anyways, i shall share:

BLOCK FMA2

Joanna, Jenn, Princess, [i forgot her name :| i'm sorry!], Miguel ''Little Boy'', Hannah, Josh, Erin, Edward, Rita, Cara, Louis, Saira, Me, Pre, Thea, Russel, Ram, Rizza, Kevin, and Ken. They're just some of the people in my block haha. apparently it was Panda Day XD

Two Weeks Down

Two weeks since the first day.


I'm doing good.



So far.




I'm feeling that feeling when you're about to be gulped by a tidal wave. I can feel it. It's so close. Just about to crash. And i'm just here, waiting for it with goggles and an oxygen tank ready haha. Here it goes

Shirt Designs

comment! Tetel! Especially you haha

I'm Officially a College Student

i


cannot


believe



where i am right now.




It's really so surreal! The pace is just too fast for me to even take a breath and admire how far i've gone! It was only 2 days ago that I was a fresh frosh in CSB. I terribly did not want to look like one. I swear, you could really tell.

- the look at their cellphones every minute
- they block the corridors in groups
- you see them pass the same hallway more than once...meaning they're probably lost.
- they look like children
- they have to swipe their id's three times or more just to enter campus :)) hahaha


*and yes, since i'm a frosh myself, i've done some but not all hahaha!

First day- hung out with Che, Sabel, and Loupo before our 7 am class XD
- had PE in a makeshift badminton court. And i mean REALLY makeshift. the cement floor had wooden planks to serve as the 'court.'
- got dismissed 15 minutes early and had 2 hours and a half of break. but wtf do you do during break?? Once the class was over, my block dispersed and i was left by myself haha. So, i just walked to my oh-so-beautiful building and chilled at the lobby. I swear! that place is a scene right out highschool musical! especially the caf!
- saw rav and jaime in the lobby
- went to the caf once i found fellow blockmates. [i made a friend! her name's erin haha]
- went to BIBLE STUDY CLASS and cut General Psychology coz the prof didn't come after 20 minutes. whoo! early dismissal!
- I COMMUTED TO MAKATI. I had two of my blockmates with me coz they we're going the same way. wow. i can't believe it. me. commuting. all the way to makati. WOW. shit, i'm so old na puta. :))

Second Day- didn't have to wake up so early like the day before. my first class was still at 9:40
- met up with erin in mini stop
- went up to the caf again and saw the guys in our block chilling there
- had POLIGOV and eyed the teacher badly coz i felt like he was judging me coz i came from assumption. :T
- had another long ass break. ate in the caf with my girl blockmates and hung out with rav after.
- soon, i had to drop off rav at her classroom. by then my fellow female blockmates went off somewhere so i hung out with the guys. they're very fun :)


ho-god. i'm tired. seriously. i just got home from school and i'm dead tired. i'll continue tomorrow morning maybe hahahaha



yours truly,

ikat the college student



****************************

ok, as promised, my continuation. haha

- Right i was having lunch with the guys. And suddenly, our attention was caught by these upperclassmen who were fooling around. They were laughing and laughing at this girl [a frosh] who was approached by one of their friends. [i guessed they were playing some dare] We felt so bad coz it was so bastos. One by one they went to her and asked her something. She looked like she was abou to cry. So Kevin, my blockmate, told me to 'save' her. hahaha. I was like...wtf? but i did anyway. I wouldn't want to go through what she's going through anyway.

"Hi, are you ok?"
"Uhm, yeah."
"Are those guys bothering you?"
"Well, I think it's just some dare."
"Yeah, i know. But um, you know, you can always tell them to go away."
"Yeah, I can handle it."

:|


HAHAHAHA, funny shit right there. XD

- missed history coz there was no teacher...again. whoo!
- had filipino. i did not understand ANYTHING. Our prof's name is Ms. KATAKUTAN. HAHA
-commuted back home with my yaya [coz daddy said so O_O] rarr


Third Day- did my bibstud homework in the morning since i had class in the afternoon lang [whoo!]
- pop brought me to school
- walked to Kitaro to meet with Sabel, Loupo, and Arie.
- walked back to SDA with Arie and Sabel to tour them in the awesome caf haha [sabel was such a tourist. ''omg! let's have a picture!'']
- saw paula :D
- had Bibstud again
- had Genpsych finally with Ms. Fern. The guys went gaga. ahahaha
- got picked up by fajah.



and there you go! My first week as a college frosh. Time has got to slow down dammit haha. Before i know it, I'm taking my midterms! O_O

Ryan Cabrera is NOT Ryan Cayabyab

Reminders:

It's ''Heartbroken'' not 'Sweetheart' by Mariah Carey

Ruthless does not mean 'walang ruth'

Never say:

''No, it's a toothbrush, you idiot. You tooth your brush with it.''

''Deep breathe-ly''

*******************************************************


I wonder if i'll humiliate myself in college like this. hahaha.

Signs that college is coming up

you shop for your college wardrobe
* thanks to analog and SM for my college clothes ahahaha

you commute
* i commuted to mart's house and back home from rockwell. [clap clap]

you trouble about everybody's schedules including yours

you compare schedules

people start greeting each other ''see you in [insert name of college]!"

you have a countdown to your first day of school as your status in ym

you worry about what to exactly bring to school on the first day

you wonder what to do during your breaks when everyone else has class

you daydream about walking on the streets of taft or katipunan

you stock up on flats, sneakers, and jackets so people don't realize you wear the same oufit on certain days :))

you wish that you were back in highschool [this the winner right here. haha]


college in 2 days mother fricks XD

The Fisherman and The Fish

ikat gallardo: look at it this way
ikat gallardo: he was a fisherman
ikat gallardo: i was the fish
ikat gallardo: he caught me, dragged me in
ikat gallardo: and just when he was about to pull me out of the water
ikat gallardo: he lets me go.
ikat gallardo: and i swam away
carlo bauza: well
carlo bauza: i see it this way
carlo bauza: when he was about to pull you out of the water
carlo bauza: you struggled to get away
carlo bauza: then he got tired of trying to get you to stop struggling
carlo bauza: so he let you go

Relapse 2

omg omg omg omg omg. your online. shit. shit. puta.

and your stat is killing me. my gooooddddd


damn, i'm going crazy. i don't think you'll ever get a different reaction from me soon. XD ahahaha

edit: 9:40 ok...you went offline. damn it. i had an im window open the whole time and not once could i type anything. darn it!

go online agaaaain :))

edit2: 9:53 TANGINA. GOD MUST LOVE ME. you're online again!! :D


edit3: 10: 10 we're talking right now :)

I Love Friends In Red Uniform

Okay, Tetel, I still love you after posting those hilarious but embarrassing photobooth pictures of the Skittles + Abe. XD I swear, I couldn't stop laughing! [And it was sort of awkward coz I was like laughing by myself in my room.] :|

Remember how the group of us laughed like there was no tomorrow?:) Our silent laughs that lasted for minutes, our never ending slaps on our desks, cheska ''melting'' on the wall, sabel's sniffing, tetel's hard ass smacks on the wall, nica's pointing, and my chicken laugh? hahahaha!! those were REALLY good times.:)

you guys, i miss laughing with you!:(


I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm looking forward to wearing our red uniform on Old Girls' Day XD [We're the youngest old girls around ahaha] I miss sitting on the floor, being dragged on the floor, lying on the floor, sleeping on the floor- dammit, our skirts have been there to protect us from germs! ahahaha! *sigh*





highschool never ends

Bands That I Adore

Lately, I've been into bands. I don't know why. Here's a random list:

1. Mae
2. Dashboard Confessional
3. Augustana
4. Secondhand Serenade
5. The Click Five [I want to watch them!! XD]
6. The Kooks
7. Mayday Parade
8. The Rocketsummer
9. HelloGoodbye
10. Vertical Horizon [so old school :))]
11. Jack's Mannequin
12. Coldplay
13. Snow Patrol
14. The Fray
15. Plain White T's
16. Monsters Are Waiting

So a number of the songs that they play have the overall sound of summer. For me, anyway. You can find them in my Roadtrip/Summer playlist. :) I'm going to listen to opm bands soon. MTV's been showing some good ones.

Relapse

At exactly 10:00pm. I've had a relapse. You've ignited what you left in ashes a year ago. You probably won't see this coz you don't know i have a blog. But yeah, it was around this month too. you're my biggest regret yet.


hahaha, look at what we've done to each other. XD



edit: oh god, i thought i had a commitment to be happy. :| being happy is so not easy =))

Life

Wow. I haven't updated in a while. I've been out. :) I read Auti's blog a few minutes ago and I have to say the i got inspired by her first entry. It's so admiring to feel another person's determination and dreams. It really affects me to the point that i start rethinking about my life and where i want to go. It's very refreshing i have to say. :) And it's so timely how just when my ears pick up some lines in the current song my itunes was playing, it summed up how i felt about it.

Sweet Avenue


Tasting you and rain I walked down to the train
Trying not to look down
This day could someday be an anniversary
Everything is light and sound

Facing forwards going slowly Wait for you to show me Where this train wants to go Living by the hour I stop for every flower
Everything is soft and slow

Now all these tastes improve
Through the view that comes with you
Like they handed me my life
For the first time it felt right

Thank you for making me see there's a life in me It was dying to get out
Holding you we make two spoons
Beneath an april moon
Everything is soft and sweet

This cigarette it could seduce
A nation with its smoke
Crawling down my tired throat
Scratches a part of me that's purring, softly stirring

I'm a captain of industry
Smoking famously
Feet up on the window sill
Looking at all these trees I feel affinity with
Everything's all soft and still

Budding at my fingertips Touching you I start to bloom
Alive with trains and passing ships soft and sweet along your lips now I go AWOL

Thank you for taking me from my monastery I was dying to get out
With tears of gratitude
I light my latitude
Cross town train to you

Now all these tastes improve with the view that comes with you
Like they handed me my life for the first time like it was worth it
Like I deserved it



So yes, I'll try to be a happier person. My friend once told me that my blog was so emo. XD haha. I didn't realize it. So yeah, join the bandwagon.:)

Bored

I am bored. Right now. Right at this moment.

I'm tired. Been tired for the past months. I've had it right at this moment.

I agree with you. Not that far. Not even close.

The Day I Didn't Want To End

HAHA! It's true that i didn't want this day to end coz it was so...carefree and easy. Not at the start of the day though :|

This morning, i woke up at like 9 coz the phone started ringing CONTINUOUSLY. I'm not joking. I waited for my maid to get it but it.just.kept.on.damn.RINGING! Finally, it stopped. I thanked the lord and began to fall asleep again until-

"IKAAT! MAMA MO NASA TELEPONO!"

oh.my.god.

So i trudged out of my bedroom and recieved the phone from her. Apparently, CSB didn't give us the complete papers to give to my plan holders so that they can process my payment for my tuition. And so to cut the long story short, i had to go to my mom's office to get my papers for enrollment, go to CSB, ask the lady for a xerox copy of my sched, fight with her, get the xerox copy from another lady who was so much kinder than the last lady, went back to my mom's office, returned my papers to her, and then HOME.

And so, i finally know my schedule and it is my utmost pleasure to present to you my awesome schedule for my first term in CSB *curtains open with a flash of instrumental music in the background*

i love my FRIDAYS. :)
i hate my WEDNESDAY MORNING.:|
And i love the fact that my classes end at 4:40 coz i's not too late and i have long ass breaks in between most of my classes. FRIENDS. Are you on break when I am?

So anyway, when i got home, i made that schedule coz i was too excited haha. And then i had to ride with my sister at 3 to go to greenbelt to meet up with mart and alex. I was already late for the SUPPOSED SPEED RACER MOVIE but when i got there, Nelli, Mig, Mart, and Alex were watching "What Happens in Vegas.":|

hoe-well. I enjoyed it anyway haha! ASHTON KUTCHER IS HOTT. 'kay, anyways haha. We hung out in Seattle's for awhile until Pat came. Welcome back, Pat! He was so sabaw. XD Each of us shared our handwritings and signatures and i tried to give nelli a decent signature for himself. haha! after, we left to "attempt" to shop for a green shirt for Patrick for his orientation in la salle. Mart, Alex, and I ended up admiring SHOES instead :P

After some time, the boys had to go so we girls roamed around greenbelt 5. We dreamed, wished, cried, and felt bad in Adora, browsed Powerbooks, bumped into Bel-air peeps, and decided to walk to Mart's house to watch DVD's and order Mcdo [Jumper! Hayden is cuuuute :))]

In the end, we were all insanely full from the 'healthy' dinner and planned our next outfit the next time we go out because we got inspired by Hayden and his cute long-sleeved-shirt-over-a-hoodie style. In the end, alex and i got to compare schedules and plan out breaktime hangouts. In the end, we enjoyed and i wished that today won't end. :)

The Perks of Photoshoots

[] you get awesome facebook pictures XD
[] you learn how to use a professional camera
[] you look pretty because of the awesome make-up artist
[] you get to be the reflector girl which makes you feel like you're part of the 'crew' XD
[] the gc's :)
[] you get to hear other people's life stories [like how they got really drunk in bora and made out with this stranger]
[] you get to enjoy seeing the cute little kids in their oversized soccer shirts and shorts playing with a teensy soccer ball while their soccer moms and yayas watch from the sidelines
[] kira the cute-not-smiling kid:D
[] the numerous trips to the bathroom
[] spending the whole day with BB and paulina!


thanks mart! i had fun! well...i'm just worried about some of the pictures...WHERE I'M BESIDE YOU AND PAULINA [thin people] hahahaha!

You only realize what you're missing when you're listening

Music: Bubble Toes by Jack Johnson

Well, enrollment is tomorrow. Can't wait. :) I'll sort of be meeting some people who will be at the same building as I will be in a year. I wonder if I'll be okay all alone. I mean, classes start on the 21st and I'll be the first in the family to go to school- commuting and all. My sister and my brother are going to Taft on a later day. School starts later for them. My older brother...well...I don't know his schedule haha. But man, me? alone? commuting? I can do it. I know i can. I've done it before. [late at night in fact] but I'm still worried.

What if i get off at the wrong stop?
What if i get lost in school?
What if i fall asleep on the LRT and end up...egad, i don't even want to think about it

* Nica, remember Guadalupe? XD


I can't believe I'm in COLLEGE.

Yours Truly,
Her

I got Tagged by Ju

[x] People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.(watch them)
[x] These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you.

1. If your lover played a prank on you and you found out, what will you do?
I'd laugh but I'd get back at him bad haha

2. What do you think of bulimia?
This was part of my research paper. I can give you a copy XD but yeah, it's a serious eating disorder that shouldn't be taken lightly.

3. One random thing about you?
I suck at video games

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
YES

5. The one positive thing that happened to you today?
I had a delicious lunch XD

6. Truth or dare?
Dare

7. How many people know your deepest darkest secret?
6

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
wishful thinking...be bitter...then move on haha

9. What's the stupidest thing that you've done recently?
doing the opposite haha

10. What do you want to achieve when you grow up?
happiness and sucess

11. Is being tagged fun?
not really.

12. What/Who do you need right now?
nica haha

13. When was the last time you had a good cry?
last last last month hahaha...or iono. i forget

14. What do you think about the guy who started this whole tagging thing?
must be really bored

15.Are you good at slapjack?
yes :) hahaha

16. Are you good at poker?
when luck is on my side haha

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
never been in one haha how would i know? but maybe

18. Who are you chatting with at the moment or last send an im to?
paula :)

19. What type of friends do you like?
fun, optimistic, cheerful, spontaneous, genuine

20. Last words?
you suck XD

I tag Nica, Karla, Mart, Tetel, Beo, Abe, Alex, and Paula!