Dear You

Welcome to my head. What I write here is a product of instances, consequences, coincidences, and heartache. Here before you is my soul- my inner trappings. Yours truly, Her.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


Strange how hormones can influence the beat of the heart. One moment I'm still clinging on to every fiber of Joe, the next, to him.

OF ALL PEOPLE WHY HIM. The past 3 days was all HIM. Today, is now Joe. Or maybe I'm forcing myself that's it's Joe.

I see him as a friend. Not anything more. I have my period today. It's all hormones. This happens frequently. It's a hormonal imbalance. What I feel for him is just pure deficiency in my hormonal distribution. HORMONES HORMONES HORMONES. Snap out of it, Ikat.

I need a new guy :(

NO. I Don't need a new guy. I am a independent woman.

A psycho independent woman who can't seem to keep her brain cells in order. O_O

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Brief and Concise

Been training everyday lately for performance requests. Particularly the one for Unilever on Monday. 

We're starting to get ready for our dance concert, Danz Dish IV, on Jan. 23. Looking for sponsors. Trying to persuade them. 

So many projects due. Damn that kuta software. Insocio magazine. I got a 4.0 in my comski lab grade. Very surprising and I thank God. Salamat, Lord. 

I haven't been feeling christmas. :( But as of today, our christmas lights are up and the tree is completely decorated,

Several of my fellow newbies in street got a unit in taft already. We had a housewarming last night. Super fun. I sleptover. Lucky for me, they're up for me sleeping there whenever I need to. Like when I have an early class the next day after training ends at 9pm. Lucky Lucky. :)

There's also this guy. HAHA. Why him? Why HIM. He's not Joe. Then again, Joe's like...practically gone. Whenever I think of him, this other guy totally overshadows him. Like for a moment I actually FORGET Joe's face. :T freaky crap right there. I mean, the other guy is like...not, well, I don't know. He's just not Joe. Then again, I probably should quit pursuing something I can't possibly have XD Ayaw ni God muna. 

Nica, I want to hear your voice. CHAT BUKAS. 12 NOON. GO ONLINE. 

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Something Infinitely Interesting

[I'd never post this if I wrote it. There are things better left unwritten here hahaha.]



             I am in love with you. I am up at 11:26pm contemplating on what possible meaning these feelings could have. These feelings that float back up like hot water in cold water doing the convention current thing it does. I miss you. Terribly. I am in dire need to see you. In psychology, a need is defined as an existing want. I want you. I want you so bad. I want you like how a dying person wants water in a desolate desert. Like how an LA girl living in Maine wants the sun. Like how everyone wants what they can’t have.

I can’t have you. I guess you’ve made it clear. I can’t shed any tears. I don’t have the right to. I deserve this. I’m just being a weak, inexperienced, desperate, masochistic romantic with no hope. Stories like mine are worth making into some soap opera or a song.

I will wait though. I will keep on waiting. By some twist of faith, I’ll wait for that momentous day when we could Be again. May it be the next life? So it’s come to this- to the point of reincarnation. So this is what they talk about- how love breaks all boundaries- if we think hard enough or rather, imagine hard enough.

How deceiving love is. It’s one big expectation to something so predictable. It makes one a slave of their own expectation of the world. In the end, we’re the cause of our own undoing. We had succumbed to the temptation of what Love has to offer. The comfort, the attention, and the darn sweet things are all bait! So bittersweet. What are we but pawns?

            Skepticism will do nothing but just prolong my pain. I can’t help it at all. I’ve grown up seeing not a single act of love from my parents to each other. My grandpa, God bless his soul, passed away when I was just a kid so I’ve never even seen the love between them manifest itself. Maybe I was just too young to remember. Either way, I can’t use my family as a reason for my failed love life. That would deter my capability of changing the course of my life.

            I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want love or I hate it or anything. Like I said, I’m a weak, inexperienced, desperate, masochistic romantic with no hope. I want it. I want it so bad but I don’t want to end up a fool.

            Cross my heart, I want things to go back to third year. To that party. To that space in between two cars outside where I doomed myself. Where I lost you. Where I became the fool without even lifting a finger.

            I love you. I can’t believe I’m writing this down but I love you. I never thought of saying those three words ever in my life. I never thought to have the reason to say it but now there’s you. I love you. I’ve loved you since we parted.

            You never know the worth of something until it’s gone.

            Come back to me please.



NICA! Finally, I watched Twilight! Can you believe, I was supposed to watch the premiere with Loupo, Mart, Paula, and Arie but in order to do that, I had to not attend training. Ask Paula and Arie how looong I had to contemplate and decide. My face was so troubled and everything haha. Coz really, I can't just skip training. It's my responosibility to attend training because I joined Street and I made a commitment to them. Plus, I had a super heavy feeling in my chest when I as-of-now decided then to watch Twilight. I knew it was guilt and I knew that the right thing to do was to go to training. This was a Wednesday mind you and Street had a gig that Friday in Miriam College for their Musicality concert. There was no thursday training because we were told to watch the Skechers team perform as a spot performance in Innersoul's Carnivale concert. I was a cast for the MC gig and I already performed the routine before. However, I was also thinking that they might take me out if I don't attend and they'll have to reblock. It's a hassle and it's unfair. So thus, I trained that day. :) My chest felt normal again haha.

Anyway, now that I have watched it, I want to watch it again just so I can rewind to the romantic parts and get all kilig. hahaha. The movie was a bit fast-paced and there were DEFINITELY some funny parts. I LOVE JASPER FOREVER. HIS FACE XD Jacob's hot only in the book. :| I can't wait to see him in the second movie where his hair would be shorter. He looks taong grasa kasi, sorry haha. Edward has his awkward moments too- like when he stares at Bella and when he saved her in port angeles. XD His eyes are like bulging out XD But hey, he's awesomely awesome in the steamy scenes :D I love Charlie! He's such a cute dad haha. Alice is adorable! She should've had more lines :( Rosalie was portrayed really good :) GAAHH, I'm downloading the soundtrack right now haha. I love this movie- not as disappointing as Eragon.

Nics, I wish I could've watched with you :( It would've been the time of my life. When you get back, let's redo all the things that we should be doing together ok?? :) 

Monday, November 24, 2008

Skechers Street Dance Battle Year 4 CHAMPIONS

I am extremely proud of the compet team!! They've worked SOO hard- 7-9am and 6-9pm onwards trainings everyday! And MILLIONS OF PRAYERS. Wow, all of us, as a team, prayed so hard and we were desperate for God. Kahit di manalo, basta yung gusto lang namin ay makita ang Diyos sa pagsasayaw nila. Makita na nandoon siya kasama nila dahil yun naman lang ang gusto namin. Na magsilbing instrumento ng Diyos upang maipakita sa lahat ang kanyang kapangyarihan at ang kanyang dangal. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit kami nanalo. Hindi kami iyon. It was all His doing. Sabi nga ni coach, kilala niya kami kaya di pwede na sabihin na sila daw yung gumawa nun. It could only be done by God Himself. After 3 years, pinangarap ng Street ang Championships. Parang added bonus lang yung trophy at cash. Pero nakamtan namin yung aming kagustuhan na ma-inspire ang Araneta. Narinig namin iyon nung halos buong Araneta ang nagsigawan ng "LA Salle!" habang sasabihin na yung panalo. Grabe, naramdaman ko ang banal na espiritu!

It was such an awesome experience! Such an inspiration!! I am truly looking forward to the next Skechers where we will be defending champions. However, UP street will be competing then so us newbies will really have to step it up. Coach said that there will be A LOT of stumbling blocks ahead for us and that in those times, we would need the Bible by our side. I should start working on my quiet time. Start pursuing God more. He's the source of all these blessings. :) EXCELLENCE, STREET!

BTW, as we were all sharing our experiences in the big dome last night in our victory party today, something struck me. As Kuya RJ, I think it was him, blessed the future Executive Board [since most of the EB would be graduating this year :(] coach shouted my name. "Ikat! Ikaw na yun!" PRESSURE. Just because I had the spiritual gift of leadership! hahaha. But I'm flattered :) I really am. Moreover, I'm very anxious. It's such a big responsibility! I'd never been good at leading. I'm speaking from experience. :| But if God wants me there, it's for a reason. He wouldn't put me there without equipping me with what I need. Never know, I might be just blind to them right now.

CONGRATULATIONS TO CADS AND T.I.P.! Also to Miriam, Holy Spirit, and CSR!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

My 3rd term sched

I encoded my own sched! :D

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
10:30-11:30 COMSK2X PETWODA (10:20-12:20) COMSK2X COMSK2X (9:20-11:10) COMSK2X
11:40-12:40 BMAT2X BMAT2X BMAT2X

2:30-3:30 FILIP13 BMAT2X (1:00-2:00) FILIP13

The List

19 things for my 19th year HAHA

1. Macbook Pro 15'' [asa ikat. asa. XD]
2. A NEW PHONE [please lord. please lang. my dream phone. hahaha]
3. Nikon DSLR [umasa ka pa. haha]
4. black or red pumps
6. starbucks planner 09 [i haven't started collecting stickers haha]
7. nike dunks [nice low ones...colorful but not too colorful. no prints. just analogous colors or monochromatic ones. XD]
8. ankle boots!
9. a surprise. kahit ano basta i'll be GENUINELY surprised. XD
10. a hug
11. something homemade or handmade. that would be really sweet and thoughtful haha
12. a big party with all my friends [but i think di to mangyayari XD busy busy busy. oh wells. haha]
13. grey or black skinny jeans
14. make- up HAHA [blush brush, blush, bronzer, black eyeliner XD , hi mom!]
15. to never turn 20. remain a teenager all my life. [FAIL hahaha]
16. change. globally, nationally, personally
17. DL next term!!!
18. to finally get a hint from you.
19. nica, come home. i don't care if it's just a piece of you haha.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Jess interprets my dream

Okay, so there's this super ironic thing that happened and I can't believe I didn't mention it here. I'm in the same dance company as his friend's- Jess. She's Jazz and I'm Street. Apparently, she knew all about me and my history with him. [Everyone who's batchmates with him would know all about me. He's a heartthrob in San Beda which is no surprise there and I didn't know it was at a THAT extreme level] And apparently, she told Joe about me being in the same team before too while I was also oblivious to the fact that she was also the same girl from San Beda in NCC last year who went up to me to say "Joe says goodluck" out of the blue, MONTHS after he and I drifted apart. O_O I did not recognize her AT ALL although she recognized me. She looks so different now compared to before! Maaan, it's a strange SMALL world. We were properly introduced just a couple of weeks ago and we're on very friendly terms suprisingly. Usually, as it happens in movies and stuff, the friend of the guy who got his heart broken by his [whatever you call a girl like me is to him...a fling? an ex? whatever] totally hates [whatever you call a girl like me is to him... etc.] But no, we're friends and it's totally cool. :) She gave me her blessing on my attempt to BBTF [bring back the flame],well, HIS flame. My flame's been burning since then. It has never stopped. CHEESY but true. XD hahahaha! My gahd, what is that boy doing to me XD She's also the one who told me that before, he used to doodle my name at the back of is notebook and that Dark Blue reminded him of me. Shit, that boy is too cute. hahaha

So anyway, refer to my entry before this for my dream. Her interpretation of my dream is that the stage is like his judgement floor. He's choosing between me and Alex. [He used to like her last summer...and she's my kabarkada. haha. but then again they were friends longer.] According to HER, he'll be choosing me and this time, he'll never let go. 

I can't help but smile at that haha no matter how WILD it seems. XD

As Dashboard sings, "Hope...dangles on a slow spinning redemption winding winding out, the shine of it has caught my eye..."

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Me and My Dreams

Weird Dream. AGAIN. On the other hand, I'm glad you were in it :)

Setting: stage [It looked like the TYA...well, I think it WAS the TYA XD]
We were practicing dances...I was probably thinking so much about Remix, the Inter-Lasallian Dance Competition in DLSU tom presented by LSDC, that this dream happened haha. I was onstage with Alex, the last person I had a YM conversation with last night. She had a male partner and so did the rest of the people onstage except for me. I didn't know what we were gonna dance until the music played; Swing. I had no idea whatsoever of the choreo  but as it happens in all dreams, my feet moved by itself as if it had a life of their own.  
In the audience were my friends. I forgot who they were but I know he was there. After the dance, I went down to the seats and hung around. 

Here's the thing: roughly before my dream ended, he was about to leave. The usual greeting was a beso but in the dream it was a hug...several hugs. The last of them being a long one and the one before the last was a I'm-never-letting-you-go kind of hug. I dared to initiate the latter and thinking that the dream was real, hoped to God he didn't find it weird or awkward. And he didn't, because he was the one who prolonged the embrace. And I happily stayed there. Not long after that, when he left, I recieved a text from him saying something along the lines of "Let's do this again" or "Next time". Sadly, my dream ended there. 

What does it meaaaaannn. Ugh. I can't take philosophical dreams right now. I'm so stressed with the Remix thing. :| Which I'll be dancing in btw. XD and the dance is not Swing. It's CAPOEIRA. :)) gaaahh, hahaha. I'll be wearing nothing but a sports bra and jazz pants in front of an audience. O_O

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Monday, November 3, 2008


Something Pat showed me how to do :) comment please :D I should really take workshops. For future use haha.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Pitter Patter On The Rooftop

You can listen to the rhythm of the raindrops
I wish the sun would come instead
This is a song for rainy days

And Let's go dance around in the rain
Don't pay any attention to the people staring from inside
We'll leave our cares behind

It felt good seeing your concern for my health. I had fun reminiscing our childhood with Santa and our christmas traditions too. :) 

Bad Luck On Halloween

Yesterday, I got another sprain on the same leg that I got sprained when I tripped on a volleyball. This time, I tripped on my teammate's foot while dancing. 

Today, I got sick. Fever and body pains. I had no energy whatsoever to commute home so I had to have the car pick me up.

Bad luck on Halloween. I had plans with Paula and Loupo tonight but because of these events, I couldn't go. I'm sorry guys. I know you're pissed. Please understand that I am not making this up. If I could go, then I would. But my body's has reached its peak I guess. It's trying to tell me to rest. I'm really sorry.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Thought # 7

Do you ever think, when you're all alone, what we could be, where this thing could go?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Has it ever crossed your mind? When we're hanging, spending time together...?

- Crush, David Archuleta

Monday, October 27, 2008

Dark Blue

I have (I have) you breathing down my neck (breathing down my neck)
I don't (don't know) what you could possibly expect under this condition so
I'll wait (I'll wait) for the ambulance to come (ambulance to come)
Pick us up off the floor
What did you possibly expect under this condition so

Slow down.. this night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue..
Just dark blue

This flood (this flood) is slowly rising up swallowing the ground
Beneath my feet, Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so
I'll swim (I'll swim) as the water rises up, the sun is sinking down
And now all I can see are the planets in a row
Suggesting it's best that I slow down

This night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue

We were boxing
We were boxing the stars
We were boxing (we were boxing)
You were swinging for Mars
And then the water reached the West Coast
And took the power lines (the power lines)
And it was me and you (this could last forever)
And the whole town under water
There was nothing we could do
It was dark blue

Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the room could be burning now there's nothing but dark blue

If you've ever been alone in the dark blue
If you've ever been alone you'll know (you'll know)

It's so funny how this song reminds me of him and it reminds him of me

Sunday, October 26, 2008

What's this?

Friday night:

"Ah, I see your point XD so that means if I watch you're gonna watch wit me XD"

"Aw, sayang O.o fine, I'll invite when I get the details :p"

WHAT IS THIS? I really don't know but I know one thing; it fueled the fire. Which could be bad. The weather's unpredictable; it could rain any day.

Friday, October 24, 2008


Wednesday couldn't have come any sooner.

Tuesday was a blur. I felt like I was on auto-pilot and I was crouched in the deep recesses of my cockpit, being all embarrassingly giddy and excited while my body mechanically executes the usual-daily-routine-that-is-school. When have I ever felt like this? I'm sure as hell that I don't want to be one of them teenagers whose over-giddiness leads them to think that they're invincible just because they found their 'true love'. Of course, my cynicism will never leave me. It's a defense mechanism. My Paternal Parental Unit is very effective in displaying common place affections. :T I should know. But the IRONY of it all! I HOPE. I HOPE LIKE I'VE NEVER HOPED BEFORE. It's sickening! I disgust myself! I know it'll lead to nothing. For who could commit the same mistake? I'm a mess and no one would have me. [JESUS CHRIST. Now I'm PITYING myself! How low can I get??] But let's get one thing straight: true love? I am definitely on grey area when it comes to that.


It was lunch break and I left the SDA to accompany my blockmates to eat in some new eating place along the street.To cut the unnecessaries, Artu's gig was about to start and he was there in the 'fancy caf', as he calls it, waiting for our mutual friend to go on. I couldn't contain that disgusting giddy smile from creeping up. I couldn't help it. I was a human subject to emotional kinetics. [if there is such a term] Thus, I proceeded and left a mere ''I'm going to see my friend in the caf" for my blockmates to gnaw on. If I had told them who came, they probably would've have come along and not eaten. So I let them have their much needed nourishment. I care kasi. :P

As I walked along the hallway leading to the 'HSM' caf, questions were coming at me from an unknown insignificant place. How will you see him through the crowd? You might look dumb just standing there and looking around... What will you say?? Will he mind me at all or will his South friends entertain him and I'll be OP? Should I stay for just awhile or wait till my next class starts? What is he thinking??? By the time that last question popped up, I had found him amidst the people and greeted him with a beso. XD Soon after, we were comparing the facilites of our respected schools and battling against which one is cooler. My unease disappeared from his laidback attitude. It was a normal conversation; no awkwardness; we even had a few laughs. :)

Until Server brought up her 18th birthday party. She said that she wanted everyone to bring dates. I knew where this was headed. I heard it from Rav that morning but I didn't believe it.

"Ikat, you're taking Josue"

I couldn't bring myself to look at his reaction! My face was contorted with numerous expressions that tried to break the surface, trying to show a mask and the other flesh. I don't know if he noticed. I was too busy straightening my facade. :)) hahaha. I swear, with him around, it's like I'm more of an introvert than I have ever been in my whole life XD After what seemed like 5 minutes, the atmosphere relaxed...well, at least for me. I don't know if they sensed my tension. haha

As they say, all good things must end right? I had to tear myself away from him to attend class. Duh, I'm still responsible. However, it surprised me that he still wanted to be with me [or at least that's what I'm telling myself? hahaha] He wanted to see the classrooms. Too bad God had more things in store for me because he only reached till the 11th floor. haha. The elevator was fully loaded. He texted me after saying that I'll show him the classrooms next time. So there will be a next time? :) Sorry, can't help but smile! [Jesus, I'm such a wimp :T haha]

That's not all that made me smile, we had another conversation through sms about the 'dates' thing that Server mentioned. I said I was ok with the idea of him being my date. And he said, "Same here :)" whooooooooo! Our conversation didn't end there! We had a YM conversation that night too!

I shouldn't have this much hope in me. I'm so convinced that this won't end how I want it to end. It never ends the right way. Not with me hahahaha

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Heels Over Head

Now I'm heels over head, I'm hanging upside down- Boys Like Girls

God always sends me a saving grace to pull me out of my pit of depression and frustration. And in the back of my head, I had a gut feeling of it's arrival. It was nagging me, reminding every time my head was not filled with math problems, economic data, and cultural concepts. It was like a thought bubble suddenly inflated by some mysterious breath and expanded until it filled every nook and cranny of my consciousness. It was a good feeling. Sort of like Anticipation. Anticipation for something great.

It came that Monday afternoon. After a weekend of frustration, a deprived night of sleep, and an emotional morning, my saving grace manifested itself. As I trudged to training in La Salle Main, I saw a familiar face. Somehow, I knew it before I said the words out loud.

He was visiting his friends in Taft. I felt a pang. He said he'd tell me when he'll be visiting. I voiced my feelings in a comic way so as not to reveal any more than I should. To my relief, he was planning on a second visit. On Wednesday, he would be watching his friend's gig in SDA, my building. Whilst I was having a conversation with him physically, I was having my own conversation inside my head. He's visiting again! He'll be in my building! Adrenaline surged through my veins. It was like being replenished after a hard day's work- something I really needed. I felt like the day that had passed had been dull- black and white

...until that moment.

It seemed like, in a crowd, my eyes were searching for you. And once I did, vivid colors flood my sight, rendering everything as bright and as beautiful and worth living for as compared to the past.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Never Again

I will NEVER EVER team up with you again! You can't be relied on, you can't be trusted to do your part, and you don't have ANY common sense!! You just might be one of the most dense people I've EVER met yet!!

I'm sorry but I'm definitely not the person who has the patience to be spending time with a person who has a mind of sloth. :|

Saturday, October 18, 2008


A word that can apply to any instituition.

Even Family.

Friday, October 10, 2008


YAY! I have a new book to read! The 3rd installment of the Eragon series! Whooo! So far, I've read a couple of chapters. The story's unraveling itself well. Nica, I suggest you read this book. Have you even read Eldest? hahaha. Read the 2nd one first before the 3rd. They're equally enthralling and good.

Nica, namimiss kita. Kahit na may accent ka, mahal pa rin kita. Kahit magaling ka sa pag-ingles mo, mali pa rin ang grammar mo pero ok lang yun kasi namimiss ko rin yun galing sa iyo. XD Sana makabalik ka dito sa Pinas sa Pasko! Ipinagdadasal kita! :)

Monday, October 6, 2008

Thought # 6

When you've absorbed all norms and social facts, you gradually change into one of the puzzle pieces that fit so perfectly to the big picture that is called stereotype. Nowadays, everything is a stereotype. Being unconventional has a stereotype too. Where has individuality gone? It became just another piece of the puzzle...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Thought # 5

Ephesians 5:13

"But everything that is exposed to the light becomes visible..."

If i just center myself on His will, let Him light my way, then the truth will be visible, things will be clearer.

Monday, September 29, 2008

What a Weekend

Training Tuesday night- had to learn frontwalk and butterfly for the gig on thursday O_O sorta injured my left pinkie toe hahaha :|

Wednesday morning, sprained my ankle during PE... stepped on a volleyball :| another injury haha

Training on Thursday morning till my class started at 11:20. worked on my frontwalk till i injured my ankle again. Coach made me do an usher instead...which I executed well in one day thanks to the Lord :)

Then Sayaw Para Kay Tara Event in Bela Bar, San Juan. It was a charity event to raise money for an Atenean student, Tara, who got held up and shot in the head in a jeep on the eve of her birthday. Saw Tetel! I swear, that girl is blessed with the gift of dance :) The place was full of very talented and gifted dancers! I was so awed at how good they were. We were so blessed to have performed and to have helped Tara in her expenses. Please pray for her speedy recovery! I heard she's out of the ICU and is fighting. Please let's all pray for her health and her family and friends!

Friday, I rode with Server and Luj to Alabang for Rav, Isa, and Alex's 18th party. I asked last minute from my mom that morning lang XD I was planning to sleep over too so I packed that time na rin XD Hannah, my blockmate, is a saviour for lending me her white clothes for the party! hahaha So yes, rode to Alabang, worked on Alex's birthday video, dressed up, left, arrived. Party Party! I finally saw Arya and Ingga! Basta, I saw old friends again and it was such a great feeling to catch up and spend time together that night. Especially with someone I've had a lot of faults against...yeah, you probably know who it is. He's up there in one of the pics. haha. We had a moment out there in the curb. :) Just pure catching up.

It's a blast to hang with the South people. Especially AFTER the party. MAN. WHAT AN AFTER PARTY. A combination of Tokyo Drift, The Hills, The OC, and Laguna Beach. Let's just say that a fight almost happened and that 7 cars were chasing each other in Ayala Alabang Village in the wee hours of the morning. IT'S WILD- a scene out of the forementioned tv shows. XD hahaha, whoooo! It was such an experience. O_O

After the wildness that was Friday night, I rode home with Wanie along with Arya. Tita Cindy, Wanie's mom treated us to Chowking and I tasted there milk tea for the first time. It wasn't bad but I preferred the one in Taft, Zen Tea. haha. And so, we bummed and recovered hours of sleep that were missed due to the drama last night. Arya left soon and later, Wanie and I got ready to watch the dance competition that both of our dance teams were part of. It was in Spotlight in Makati. We passed by Rockwell first to get some dinner. Congrats to everyone! CADS- 3rd, LSDC-2nd, UST- 1st.

Next day, it was the Skechers Elims. I was supposed to go but I wasn't allowed. Time to rest. And I SO AGREED.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Dead Tired II

Finally! I have time to update you guys :)

Ok, last weekend, I had my Street teambuilding all the way in Tagaytay in our team member's house named Dona. The place that she lives in is like a compound of houses that are narrow and side-by-side. There's a guardhouse before you enter the compound. Across the street from it, there's the clubhouse with the pool, golf course, and playground.

The house is cozy and small. 3 floors. The team of 35 slept mostly in the attic while the Executive Board had rooms at the second floor. The kitchen, living room, and dining room were all downstairs. Moreover, the family of Dona owned the house next to their neighbor's house so using the bathroom won't be a problem for a team this big. Some could use the other house's bathrooms to take a bath and stuff. At the attic, there were several sofa beds and matresses laid out. The aircon wasn't working on the first night but it was alright. Tagaytay weather is cold.

Our teambuilding was full of Devotion sessions and activities that revolved around God. It brought us back to basics of Street. LSDC- La Salle Dancers For Christ. We had an Amaze-King Race. We were given a story of a King from the bible and we had to finish tasks and be the first ones to finish. Everything was really revolved on Him. Well, except for the food preparations. We were grouped and had 4 members.. Each group was assigned to a country. They were American [breakfast], Italian [lunch], Chinese [merienda], Meditteranean [dinner], Pinoy [breakfast], and lastly, Japanese [lunch] My group was assigned to the MEDITTERANEAN. We were thinking kebab but we were given only an HOUR to prepare but we needed more than that. So yeah, we had a dilemma. Plus, we had to split costs. It was literally like one of those classes of Ms. Nunez in Home Economics were she was making kwento already about the prices of the food in the palengke and such. As in, I felt like a housewife XD But it was such a good experience. My dad wanted me to take the reigns and guide the group with my ''cooking expertise''. HAH. I'm not good really. Either the food is too hilaw or too other words burnt and hard. XD The food thing was a contest. The EB wanted it to be bongga- complete with menu, decorations, appetizer, main course, dessert, drinks, and service! WHEW! Grabe sila hahahaha. But it's all good. Super fun hahaha

Now that I've laid down some details, I shall narrate:

I had class that day from 9:20am till 4:40pm. Meet up was in Mcdo. The first car would be leaving at 5:30pm and I'd be leaving with them. The EB assigned car assignments and I was to ride with James Roy. We're buddy buddy now. He's not all that bad. Very opinionated, friendly, and articulate. I was with 2 other newbies, Jero, and Gela. Gela and I are lesbian lovers IN THEORY. hahaha! Jero has mad skillz. James and I say that coz he's so quiet and shy around street and he rarely speaks up. James took the opportunity to interview us while he was driving and we discovered a whole lotta stuff about Jero enough to say that he's got MAD SKILLZ hahaha. So anyway, Gela and I were in the same food group and we had ZERO ingredients. We got to Mcdo around 5 and left quickly to grab some stuff in Harrison. We didn't notice the time passing until Kuya Gino, our vice- company manager and Kuya RJ, our company manager, started calling and texting us. I swear, they're like a Mrs. Eala to me. I get scared when they talk to me HAHAHA. That's what I call intimidation mehn. So yeah, they told us to take a pedicab back coz they were waiting for us nalang. I texted James coz I thought he was there already waiting for us too. But pala, he wasn't there himself so we were kinda confused coz the EB had a different car assignment so we were like, why are they waiting for us pa? So anyway, we hurried back and found out that the EB left already but James arrived already. Thus, we were on our way with a roadtrip soundtrack care of James' iTouch. I should ask him for his songs. They were really good.

Stop over! Ate dinner in Jollibee with my car peeps plus Job, Martin, Trish, and Brent. Martin keeps teasing me and saying I'm a loser. hahaha. I tease him back by making an issue with Rash. they ''supposedly'' have a thing, which is all joke- products of our boredom and kalokohan. XD

Finally! We arrive! We waited for the other cars to get there and started our first Devo session. After that, freshening up and preparing for lights out. That night, the senior, junior and newbie members had a late night scary story telling session. Bonding time! We were all clumped up in one corner of the attic with our blankets around us trying to stay close and inside the circle. hahaha, you know how chilly it gets when you're part of the outside people in the circle. you get the chills XD hahahaha.

The next day, breakfast time. Had a game before the 2nd session. Bonded again with music! I swear, it was like a karaoke bar in the attic XD. James brought a guitar kasi haha.

Lunch. Then the Amaze-King Race. We were first all the way through until the second to the last task where we had to pick a key from a bowl of other keys to unlock the lock that was tying the balloon with the next clue in it from getting out. The other team caught up with us, James' team. But there were so many complications that the EB had to sit down and talk about the winner. hahaha! I swear, that game was like CONDITIONING TIMES 5. We were running from one end of the village to the clubhouse! In addition, the weather was COLD and it drizzled for sometime! WHOO, whatta race. I really ran like my life depended on it. XD To the point that after the race, I was nahihilo and I couldn't walk properly or even maintain my balance without my shins and ankles hurting HAHAHAHA

Our group went to the market in Tagaytay to buy the other ingredients we missed. For that, we missed free time and another bonding Chinese merienda haha. We were clueless about what to serve for dessert so I brought them to a bakery shop and bought the choco roll that looked meditteranean XD We just drizzled chocolate syrup and added walnuts. We cooked and prepared until alas! Meditteranean cuisine: Zuchinni soup, Greek meatballs with tomato sauce, tuna salad, and hot oven-fresh bread. :)

After dinner, another session. We were all tired and people were falling asleep. But we tried our best to stay awake. Kuya Benj surprised us a few minutes after! He followed us to tagaytay :)

And yeap, another late-night bonding session. This time with massages since our bodies were hurting from the race XD Gela, Martin, and I were the main masseus. And we didn't stay up as late since we all terribly needed rest.

And so, breakfast the next day , and Joke-pardy game which we were losing tremendously. :)) hahaha. Later, we were packing and getting ready to leave. Then lunch! Japanese! They won first by the way :| We were last HAHAHA. After that, we newbies took a shower at the other house. I was in the bathroom at the ground floor while the others were upstairs. I already stripped down to my undies but I still had my shirt on. When I looked up, tamang-tama I saw JOB LOOKING AT ME FROM THE WINDOW THAT WAS OPEN.


He didn't see anything though. He apologized after XD OHMEHGAHD. I felt so violated in some way ahahahaha!!! but it was a funny experience for the both of us. We were like family anyway. :) So, after putting down the blinds, i took a shower, packed, then left.

Stop over again!! This time I had Pancake House! whoo!! My all-time fave golden brown waffle :D I felt like Street was such a family, eating together and laughing in KFC, taking wacky I never felt so...right. And like I belonged. God put me here for a reason like Coach said. :) And so, we all left again...on our way to taft, the drop-off point. I fell asleep in James' car on the way. AND I SWEAR IT TOOK US LIKE LESS THAN 30 MINUTES. I was like...We're here already?!!? hahaha. Parang I cloesd my eyes and the next thing I know we were in Mcdo na

Before the magical weekend officially ended, we prayed before everyone went their seperate ways. We all hugged like a family. The atmosphere was just SO DIFFERENT from before. It really showed how God was with us during the weekend. :) Praise God! I give thanks :)

I thank God for giving me Street. I've grown so much in such a small span of time. Let us glorify the Lord! :) We are La Salle Dancers for Christ!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Dead Tired

too tired to type anything and recount the past few days.

that's how tired i am.

i lack several hours of sleep

goodnight friends

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

And It All Came Crashing Down

Goes to show how life can be a bitch and slap you at the face right when you least expect it. I had so many blessings that day and so many things to be thankful for. My teachers this term are better and my schedule isn't so laidback. I got used to how things run in Street and I took a risk by making myself vulnerable to the other members. I put down my wall and shared my thoughts, my problems, my fears. Coach led Devotion and she bombarded us with questions that made me really think about my life in its entirety. What was my purpose in life? What does God want me to do? What will I be doing passionately for the next 10 years? What unique trait sets me apart from others based on my life experiences? Coach said that we all had greatness in us and that we are all unique. Each of us has a purpose and that at our young age, we should be thinking about it. We only have one lifetime.


One Lifetime to discover my purpose
One Lifetime to pursue it
One Lifetime to dedicate it to

I was out in space, in the heavens, searching and conversing with divine matter, trying to find answers to Coach's questions. I'm sure I would've been a lot closer to them by now if only I wasn't abruptly pulled back into reality.

My mom quit her job.
We're selling the house.

These two things have drastic implications in my family's life. I just can't bring myself to say them because if I do, I'm scared that they might end up coming true.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Breathing Down My Neck

What can you possibly expect under this condition? Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you? It was me and you, and the whole town underwater and there was nothing we could do.

I wish I could turn the hands of time and take out the dagger that pierced your heart. I would have filled it up and stitched it with my bare hands. The hands that held yours that dark blue night. I would have whispered "I miss you" in return and hugged you closer under the stars, not caring that we had friends watching us. I would have called you my prince charming when you called me your sleeping beauty. I would have stayed up every night and not accidentally fall asleep on you with my cellphone in hand. I would have said that I liked you too when you whispered in my ear how much you liked me a lot on the dancefloor.

Most of all, I would've kissed you goodnight outside your car when you brought me home. And the few days after that when you surprised me with purple flowers and white roses on Valentine's Day. I would've done all these things...

if only I knew better.
If only I knew what you wanted.
If only I wasn't such a runner.
If only I paused and realized that you were willing to take it slow and not that you didn't see anything for us.
If only I didn't make excuses because I had no other way to deal.

It's too late. I let you slip away. I'm sure you've moved on. You've made your own closure. I haven't made mine...or rather found it. I saw that you emptied yourself of any feelings for me. I can't say I did the same. I've always liked you. From afar. Discreetly. I see it now. Those who came after you weren't you. It's either there's no one like you, or I haven't found the one who would outshine you and make me move one.

The one thing that crushes my heart is the fact that the only thing I can do, is just wish. Coz it's the closest to the real thing. We can't go back to the way it was. We can never be again. I know i hurt you too much. You'd never think to invest any feelings to the girl who broke your heart. You don't deserve someone like me. I agree...

But God! How I wish otherwise!! How I wish
That you weren't over me.
That last night made you think twice.
That you still liked me.

But it can never happen. Never.

But let's be friends. We skipped that part. Maybe...just maybe, we can start things up once again. But if not, I would know you better to know why.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Running With Empty Pockets

I'm running down a road at 200 miles per hour with nothing but a quarter full of gas. Every city and town, a destination, stops to be taken to stock for the long travel to my future. Every detour, an obstacle. I encounter dozens and each one that I take, the meter decreases. Next thing I know, I'm empty.

:T I'm sorry for being such a parasite. I am. Don't deny it. It makes me feel so...walang kwenta everytime. I'm VERY thankful that you're such a great friend but I don't know, I'm thankful, really, I am, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable. It's really a load of my chest whenever you help me out but I'm scared that I'd really depend on you already. I OWE YOU BIG TIME. I really do. Please let me do whatever I can to return the numerous favors you do for me. :)

Monday, September 1, 2008


I feel sick right now. I was out the whole day claiming my course cards. I don't know why but i woke up early for it. Plus, I felt fine. I don't know why I'm feeling so sick right now. I got the chills and the sweats. And my right eye hurts...I hope it's not another damn sty. I ALWAYS get stys. Geez. :| And I'm soooo tired. Why am I tired?? I haven't been training nga eh. And I SHOULD train. I feel like I'm behind. Besides, I should be keeping my stamina up coz coach made me understudy for a compe team member for the Avalanche competition on September. I'll be performing in my team member's place for the kick-off party but not in the competition mismo. Good thing yun lang muna. I don't think I'm prepared for the compe team eh...I feel like I should improve on my skills more...not to mention nail my aerial. I have to FOCUS. It's all about FOCUS. Focus, Ikat. Set your eyes on the treasure, arrr... hahaha.

After course card, I had to get home, eat lunch, then leave for the Dentist. They're gonna do adjustments and blah blah. So to add to the sickness, my teeth hurt. I can't chew properly without feeling the hurt. Ugh. I like to eat pa naman. Haaay. I won't be surprised if I suddenly faint during training or something for not being able to eat. Sana hinde. I have to catch up pa.

Grabe. My eye.
It's throbbing like a mother.

Anyhoo, putting all that bad energy aside, I shall reveal to you my grades :D

Bibstud- 2.5 [HAH. it's the absences hahaha]
Natsca- 2.5 [Damn cellphone]
Filip11- 3.0 [WHOOO. I'm so happy! I thought I'd get a 2!]
History- 3.0
Poligov- 3.5
Gepsych- 3.5
Pe- 3.5
Ordev- haven't gotten it haha

Whooo, I'm on Dean's List BEBEH
I am expecting my new phone hahaha.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sleeping To Dream

I believe in dreams and their prophetic abilities. Although not ALL of my dreams have come true,I've had a number of dreams that have sort of come true. [Except for the spawn of evil thing. Thank God. ahahaha! ] I mean, they had similarities with what had happened in reality. I'm sure Nica can relate to this haha. We both love to sleep just to dream. It's a wonderful way to escape things you can't control. It's also a discreet way of the Unconscious to converse with you. They say you dream of things you want- 'your inner desires'. Or that if you keep thinking about something, wether it's traumatizing or not, when you're awake, it'll appear in your dreams. Well, I believe that too. I dreamt of something I really wanted to happen and that I've been thinking about since SUMMER. I wouldn't admit it to myself in reality but in that dream state, no one was there to judge you or criticize you so I embraced the fact that I really did want that to happen. Maybe it's coz he was the very first person who truly cared? He made me feel that way. And I made a stupid mistake of struggling against the good he let me go. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. My first regret EVER. We haven't talked in a year but a few weeks back, we did. Online. He was different. Or maybe it was my guilt taunting me. I can't call him the way I used to anymore. Maybe there were too many memories attached?

Gosh, why can't I let this go? I'll just be disappointed. And besides, it's the past, right? I made the mistake so I should suffer the consequences.

I love that dream. Brings me back to the time when someone really cared. I was so blind to it. Me and my knack for running.

I'm seeing him in a few days.

Friday, August 29, 2008


IT FEELS SO GOOD TO GET A WEEK OFF OF SCHOOL. This week was just a jumble of tasks. I had that stupid cellphone plus the packaging that I worried about. I ended up COMPLETELY NOT STUDYING FOR THE BIBSTUD FINAL EXAM. But then I thought to myself when I was running around the house getting ready to leave [imagine, I can still think with all that's happening hahaha] God, won't do this to you for nothing. He will make a way. Don't fret.

So I figured I'd just do what I could-I reviewed on the train to school and before the test.

I've never done that before.
I thought I'd miss my stop if I concentrated too much XD
The reviewing helped a bit. A bit is an overstatement really. I had no clue what the test was about. It brought me back to the shotgun days of entrance exams ahaha.

BUT I WILL NOT DWELL IN THE PAST. I'm too excited for the future haha. It just sucks that Nica's not here. :( I miss that girl tremendously. I don't know what's keeping me going pa. haha. NICAAA, my gosh. It's really different here without you. In my perspective anyway. Haaay.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Smug Faces and Hidden Agendas

*smug face*

Hello there. Can't wait to catch up. haha. I wonder...

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Of Cutters and Soap Bits

Behold. Another mishap. A cut on my finger. It doesn't look deep in the pic but in reality, almost the whole corner of my skin came off. Good thing I pinched the skin together. God. The blood was a sight. There were like fat blobs on the sink and all. Funny how the first thing that came to my head was: I wonder why the sight of blood makes people Bella Swan. She's weird. Hahaha. OH WELL. Not only did I accidentally cut myself from doing my Natsca cellphone model project, but I became blind for a few minutes. The cause of my momentary blindeness were the soap bits that got flicked into my eye from carving the damn cellphone out of bareta. Jesus. What else can go wrong?

Alas, it is done. Cast your eyes upon this:

It is an ergonomic phone. The fitting choice. Fits your lifestyle. Fits you.
THE FINISHED PRODUCT NA PINAGHIRAPAN KO WITH MY SWEAT AND BLOOD. LITERALLY. Although, it's still missing the keypads and all, I think it deserves a 3. hahaha. PLEASE COMMENT :)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Pure Imagination

Wanna change the world? There's nothing to it.

I want to paint. I want to start a novel. I want to make graphic art.

Ode To Jane

Disregard the grammar please! I stayed up till 2 to finish it haha. This is my General Psychology autobiography project. I figured I'd share a part of my life that was very important haha. This is dedicated to my Bestfriend.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

All things Yellow

When I think about the color yellow, I think about summer. The yellow sun, the pristine waters of the sea, the soft sand between my toes, the fresh breeze, the blue skies....I think about the carefree days where even Time itself was on vacation.

I'm taking a break from the series of 'emo' entries. I figured that when I look back at them, I'd be so depressed. I don't want to be so I made a happy entry. Although it's raining right now, my head is still in Bora. It's still in Punta Fuego, in Calatagan, in Greenfields...haha

I have 3 finals on Tuesday and I should be studying. I know I'll do good. It's all about proactive thinking. Apply The Secret haha. And so, I shall stay true to my word and hit the books.

Reminds me, one day, I'd want my own private library. I was browsing through this huge architecture book in the library in CSB and I saw my dream the one Belle has in Beauty and the Beast XD hahahaha

Just sharing :)

Friday, August 22, 2008


"Just coz he sweeps you off your feet, doesn't mean that you can't stand on your own"
"Hate him. Love Him. Whatever. You know what you want. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
"Always remember that Jess only makes happy endings; if it's not happy, then it's not the end. If you're in a struggle, take courage for it is not yet done. Trust and wait, strengthen your faith and pray..."

[Stop It] Here we go

[Stop It. You're deluding yourself. You're making traps for yourself. Stop assuming and hoping coz you're not going to go anywhere and you're never going to get what you want. Stop thinking. Stop making excuses for him. FOCUS.]

I failed my very first exam today...and it just had to be one of my finals. :| God. I could have studied for it if only a certain someone clarified with the professor first if the due date that he knows of is correct or not. Sheesh. Most of the class got affected tuloy. Haaay, lesson learned: If in doubt, ask the professor.

I got my new sched for second term last Wednesday. Screw MWF. Love Love my Tuesdays and Thursdays.

* I have Algebra almost everyday...I wonder how that'll turn out
* still have 7am pe...:|
*10 min

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

What Would You Think Of Me Now?

Today was just a bummer. I don't know. I think I was quiet I didn't talk much with my blockmates either. Most of the time I the teacher, at the wall, at the door, at the floor... anything to keep my head wandering. My head's the only place I could escape to.

So busy. So many things to do. So many deadlines. And yet I still find myself thinking of things I wish I shouldn't be thinking about...but I still do. And it's annoying because I thought I wouldn't be so deep into it-entertaining it. I thought I could manifest my words and push that thought back into the deepest corner of my mind and focus on other things- like friends and other commitments.

I'm a hypocrite.

Or maybe, it's a situation I want to happen... a set situation for me...coz it's something I can handle. Something I can deal with because anything else would leave me unable to fix it. But life is unfair.

Why do you always pop up? Just when I started to let go, you appear. But that's what you always do. When things about be final, you come around to shake my decision. What the hell do you want. I'm not paranoid anymore. I'm just damn confused.

I heard that there are other things that make me happy and that I should focus on them. I hate how I'm becoming exactly like those people I dislike. Those who hang onto one thing like it's their life. Life is a broad thing. Life is in everything. So why do I still entertain those damn thoughts?? These are the kinds of things that people I dislike are doing...that I'm ending up doing myself! Ugh.

What are you doing to me.
You're shaking the very foundations I built myself upon to keep myself away from people like you.
People who make me.. make myself vulnerable by choice....

There's a term that can describe what I'm feeling that I'm not willing to accept. Because if I do, I'll become one of those people whose lives are so predictable. Why would I want to go through what they're going through? It's so typical. It's so predictable.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Thought # 4

I'm afraid of drowning. That's one way I don't want to die.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Superficial Git

WTF is up your ass dude. Goddamit, I fucking apologized. I felt terrible for stepping on your shoes. You told me to not mention it again and that we were ok. BUT WTF, YOU WERE SO RUDE. YOU BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN YOURSELF. I know your shoes are like your most prized whatevers and that it's a ''sin'' for people to step on it. GOD. SHOES ARE MEANT TO BE STEPPED ON. AND THEY CAN BE CLEANED. IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'LL BE TAINTED OR THERE'S A PERMANENT SIGN SAYING "I WAS STEPPED ON. BOOHOO." Geez, they're just shoes. Are they more important than your friends? Puhlease. What kind of a person are you.

The Last Something That Meant Anything

"Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours
about things I couldn't say to you
and things that we could never do and,
This conversation has had no face
when the words take days you can re-write and erase anything"-Mayday Parade

I'll be ok. I was better off before you. It's not working out. I'm tired of being the one to chase you. You told me you'd tell me if things were off. Why didn't you? Did you think you could just act it? Someone once told me that it was better to hear things rather than guess them. I'm not giving you the time to guess. I'm saying it out loud. I'm over you. You hoped things would change. Well, it did. But not the way you wanted it to be...then, but I guess it's what you want now. Let's end this game.

I don't like being treated like a fool. I deserve better. You deserve what you deserve. Go for what you want. It's not me anymore anyway. You got lazy. Hope you're happy. I am.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Thought # 3

Nica, you know why Americans or Europeans are so large/big-boned/big? [note that I am not using the term obese] I mean, compared to us LITTLE people of the Philippines? There are biological and maybe even geographical factors at work here but here's what I think...

Well, our country for one, is a developing nation. The US and Europe are First World nations. They're RICH. They can feed their entire nation! another! While we suffer amidst the graft and corruption that plagues society, we also suffer poverty. Plus, the rise of food prices is adding insult to injury! We do not have as much money as the developed nations to feed ourselves.

Thus our small and thin frame.

Thus, their tall and big frame.

I came across this idea when I was doing my paper on eating disorders. hahaha. I remembered it when I read your entry about your Safeway adventures haha.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Happy Things

2. a new cellphone [please lang. haha]
3. 80g ipod video
4. macbook

Please Lord. Please. At least let my mom agree with our deal that if I get into the Dean's List, she'd buy me a new phone. PLEASE.

Thought # 2

It's never easy to pretend to be okay when you're not. Don't call it emo. Emo is just an excuse. It's not a genuine feeling anymore. Other nonsensical things are strapped to it. It's become a fashion, an ''in'' thing.
It's annoying how people mistake something real and true for a fad. Something you play around with. I AM NOT EMO RIGHT NOW.

I am ranting at how people say I'm so emo. I'm not. I'm just nostalgic. See, that's something deep. And yet people still say it's so emo. Weird. I think they have to take Language all over again and focus on synonyms and antonyms.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Thought # 1

One Team. One Family. One God.

There's a difference from before. Hardcourt was on another level. LSDC is on another. Kind of like one is in my past, and the other, my present and yet they are both of equal importance, both having/had a powerful influence in my life. Either way, they both exposed me to the supreme and incredible power of prayer and of God, himself. They both drilled me to be better disciplined, to have a direction, and to work hard and persevere.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Miserable At Best in every way

-Mayday Parade-

Katie don't cry
I know you're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we've shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky
It's not mine
but I want it so

*Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
I know he's there and
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
While across the room he stares
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance
She'll say yes
Because these wrods were never easier for me to say and her to second guess
But I guess that I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all I ever hoped to find
In every single way
And everything i would give is everything you couldn't take
Coz nothing feels like home
You're a thousand miles away
and the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay
coz i know i'm good for something i just haven't found it yet
but i need it*

This'll be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you and and I can't speak
Spent three whole days since I've had sleep
Coz i dream of his lips on your cheek
and I got to the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss those lips that made me fly*

This song summarizes what I'm feeling today. There's a message in this song that I'd want to say but it's not as obvious. Although this song is about heartbreak and shit. I'm not feeling that way. For you to get me, don't mind the other lyrics and focus on the red lyrics.

Life is Shit at the moment.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Countdown to Breaking Dawn

2 more days...and I still haven't reserved my copy haha.

MY FELLOW WEREWOLVES-kate and nica; ASSEMBLE! hahahaha

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


When I was elected asst. secretary last year, I didn't know what I was getting into. I was so excited pa to start my job! However, Joey warned about the implications. XD She's gone through it already and she said it wasn't a that great of a fulfilling/wonderful experience. haha. Usually a person will get what the other is saying after awhile diba? I thought the hard part will come 2nd term pa when things get shittier and research papers were making us crazy...but no.I didn't know what she was talking about until...nope, not until 2nd term came around...IT WAS UNTIL THE FIRST CIRCULAR CAME OUT. OMG. IT WAS SUCH A CHORE TO HAVE TO REMIND THEM TO BRING THEIR REPLY SLIPS and yet they still find an excuse not to have it with them. The most popular reason was "I LOST MY CIRCULAR" or "I DIDN'T GET ONE" pffff...pssshhh...rrriiiiiiiggggghhhhtttttt


...and please don't say you don't have internet T_T maawa naman kayo sa amin mga asst. secretaries....


can you feel the passion? XD

Monday, July 28, 2008

Big Bruce II

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family history - Free genealogy

Gepsych has its points

Ok, I just had Gepsych 2 hours ago and our lesson was still fresh in my mind...LOVE XD Ok, I know it's a sappy subject to discuss but seriously, there were a lot of things that were so eye-opening. Like as to why boys are from mars and girls are from venus. THERE ARE BIOLOGICAL EXPLANATIONS. Yes, it's true. Our biological make-up and anatomy is a cause of why relationships don't work out sometimes. Let me elaborate:

You see, girls have a bigger hypothalamus and the part in the brain where speech and comprehension are big too, THUS they like talking about their feelings by talking...explains also why we like talking and talking and talking.... Notice when there's a break-up or a new flame, we like to talk about it with our friends.

On the other hand, boys are more hands-on. As in they 'do' instead of talk. Like for example, when they're really pissed, they play basketball or some sport...or they just fight hahaha. However, I doubt the 'doing' when it comes to the 'in love' part haha.

So yes, this is one reason why break-ups happen; guys and girls are never on the same page. The girl can complain that the guy never opens up and talks to her or sometimes the guy complains that he's 'nasasakal' na with the girl.

In addition, there's a difference with LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone. Love is an emotion, a feeling and our feelings are always changing. Soooo, being in love with someone is initial. Here: If someone tells you he/she loves you, ask her what does he/she mean by "love" because there are 3 ideas/levels under love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. The order of these ideas depend on each person's opinion. Thus, making it more complicated to be on the same page with someone you like.

For example, the guy believes
1. intimacy
2. commitment
3. passion
The girl on the other hand believes
1. commitment
2. passion
3. intimacy

So here's what happens: including the effects of our biological make-up in terms of how each gender acts/shows emotions and the relativeness of the levels/ideas of love to each individual... wow, that's what I call "It's Complicated" hahahaha!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Presenting: 'Big Bruce' aka...

..A HUGE BIG FAT UGLY GROSS BRUISE ON MY LEFT KNEE. Geez, I've never seen a bigger bruise in my whole life. Only pictures can tell how disgustingly GROSS it is. Ick haha. On the other hand, no matter how grossed out I am by this, I am proud of it. Ironic, right? You see, my friends, let me divulge to you the cause of this beautiful...thing that I have that's restricting my movements.

Last Friday, July 25 2008, LSDC had a gig in Metro Bar in West Ave. Mr. Donut-yes, MR. DONUT, the rival donut-making company of Dunkin Donuts... you read right haha- hired us as dancers for their sales rally and we were the opening act. I cut my two classes that afternoon to go there and do blocking. [rebel on] So anyway, fyi, I already had 4 BRUISES on my left knee from breakdancing ok and so since our routine for the gig had a turn-then-drop-to-a-half-split part, those 4 bruises became..yes..ONE BIG BRUISE.

But let's not focus on the injury. It was my first official performance as part of LSDC and my fellow newbie, Gela Go, it was her second. We were the only two new members in the cast. The old members were used to performing in front of a big crowd so there was no EXTREME pressure on them. You see, there's a very big difference from the past performances that I had in highschool. This one in particular felt like... a REAL's hard to explain. I don't know... it felt like I had more to show. I'm not saying it like I'm all that or anything, no way, I'm far from being the best. XD haha. Ever since I got in LSDC, I was introduced to the power of dance: how it can be an instrument in showing others what God has given us and how he is working through us. I guess that made the difference, that knowledge that I can dance because of Him. And that made me believe in myself more and show what God has given me. :)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Holy Mackarel

...i'm eligible for dean's list...i'm tired from knee is one big bruise from breakdancing...we were literally on the floor...i'm part of marketing committee...alexi made me publicity head so i'm in charge of photoshopping the announcements whatevers...i like that job...i need sponsors for remix 08, a dance compet...companies that promote health...could be apparel or food or even telecommunications...if you have contacts, drop me a, this is one major run-on sentence...nica, i miss me sometime haha...oh, i have a performance on metro's for a mr. donut rally thing...i get money...woot...

Monday, July 21, 2008

you can't always get what you want

1. Gray ankle boots from Zara
2. Uggs
3. Gray and purple skinny jeans
4. Printed jacket
5. Colorful sneakers
6. Vans
7. Fergie hoodie
8. Shutter shades
9. Dog Tag
10. Loads and Loads of toblerone :D

Monday, July 7, 2008

Josh Araullo

You confuse me.

And yet, I still like you. haha.

Did anything change or are you just distant?

God, I can't believe I'm posting this for the world to see. Guess this is my way of showing you that I'm trying here if you can't see that...coz I don't see you trying lately. But maybe I'm being paranoid?

I had a dream

No, this isn't Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech. haha. But yes, i had a dream two nights ago. i forgot the plot and everything :( but i just remember flying with people. hahaha

Anyways, Nica lent me her book, The Host. I'm finally past the half of it [which is where everything happens according to her] and I concur! All I can say as of now is, screw Jared and go Ian. hahahaha! It's a nice read. I like it. :)

Another Anyhoo, I have 3 midterms to study for for tomorrow. And they're the 3 most ACADEMIC subjects I have in this term. POLIGOV, HISTO, and FILIP11. How nice and convenient that those are the only classes I have tomorrow too! To add to that, THAT EFFING BIBSTUD MUSIC VIDEO IS PISSING ME OFF. It's a class project and my block is seriously not what I a good way and a bad way. Some take things for literally. If you have been given a grant, shouldn't you WORK to maintain it too? And not to use it as a bait for 'chicks' ? Plus, there are things expected of you too; like responsibility, intitiative, and patience. There are also some who thing they're all that and that they just HAVE to be part of the decision making process when time is running against us and they keep on talking as if what they're saying matters when somebody metnioned it already!! [major run-on sentence right there]

egad, I guess it's a new challenge for me to overcome. Everything's being dumped on me and everyone knows I easily break. I'm very fragile...and not a lot of people know that. I just suck it in sometimes.

Enough with the drama and the anger. Off to happier things! :) LSDC has been a blast so far. Training's are hella tiring and the they're pace is fast but it's an experience. I've met a lot of cool people and met new friends, not to mention, learned new choreography. [I KNOW HOW TO KRUMP :))] And it's different from HC. I don't know why but i have more motivation in me now to develop my skills and learn more stuff. If i'm tired, it's ok, i find myself pushing my muscles and my lungs to the limit. It's weird...and new. haha. I haven't performed officially as LSDC or with LSDC. I'm hoping i'll be ready when that time comes. :)

Nicolletteanneconstante, i miss you! be safe! haha

Sunday, June 29, 2008

I'm not a Toy

You make me feel stupid. I'm not a toy. Can't you just tell me what you really want? I'm trying here. If something changed, tell me. I can't say I didn't expect it. I told you so. I'm not stupid. I know how things go. It's called cynicism. It's handy sometimes.

This is why I didn't want to risk it.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

This Isn't Goodbye :)

I've been suppressing some certain emotions from bursting to the surface. Most of the time I am successful...but sometimes I am not. A few weeks ago it was easy. However, time is against me. Lately, it's been getting harder to keep those feelings at bay. Today, I had the first of a series. I couldn't help it. It just dawned on, rather, it just crashed down on me that we only have a few DAYS. I don't know how to spend it especially since I have school and training. I don't want you to leave and yet I want you to leave. [coz it will be for your future and you'll be fulfilling your goal of finally living on your own haha]

I know we'll stay friends forever. I know we'll never lose touch. I know that I'll be there for your graduation. I know a lot of things...

I know that we've been friends since grade 5...that we were the ones who started writing our own 'novels' that have silly plots that were entwined with our favourite movies. I know that it was us against the world except for that time in grade 6 and 7. I thought it was the end of our friendship but you sewed us back together with superglue this time. :) I know that throughout our highschool lives we were there for each other. We became sisters...not biological but you get the point haha.

That time when we ate in John and Yoko was where it really hit me. That time when you, Auti, and I laughed with a beat and we stopped at the same time pa... priceless XD. When we teased Auti about...being herself haha. When we shared 3 meals and split the bill hating-kapatid. When we ate dessert in the dessert place right beside where we ate dinner. When we said goodbye and hugged each other...I realized that the friendship we had was the most perfect that it can be. The fights that we had only made us stronger.

I'm going to miss us laughing together at the things only we think are funny no matter how corny they are. I'm going to miss our silent laughter and how we mimic how other people laugh. I'm going to miss seeing your face every morning when the school year starts. I'm going to miss getting ready at your house. I'm going to miss taking goofy pictures with you and how we absolutely don't care if we look ugly. I'm going to miss how you're so frank. I'm going to miss your steak baon complete with A1 sauce. I'm going to miss your habit of fixing your glasses. I'm going to miss everything.

I wish were born sisters haha. :)

This isn't goodbye, nics. imma miss youuuu

Sunday, June 8, 2008


Okay, I signed up for La Salle Dance Company last friday super last minute. It was weird coz it was 5 sharp when I got to La Salle main and I thought to myself that this was it; it's not meant to be. but the guards were nice enough to let me in since I was there earlier to sign up. [They were closed at the time so I had to come back after my classes were done] And so, I walked to Yuchenco Hall feeling apprehensive and scared. I mean, I'm signing up to join an actual DANCE CREW. One of my many dreams haha. And I don't think of myself as a very good dancer. Not good enough anyway for stuffs like crumping/ freestyle/ breakdance/ and everything else. I mean, the only training I've had was in cheerleading that had some hiphop and jazz flavor. I would've taken classes but I don't know- things just don't happen. XD So yeah, and I've heard that I'm not really the hip-hop-y type. I'm hoping I can prove that wrong. I mean, I've always wanted to be that girl on step up 2 minus the bad acting. hahaha.

Thanks to Nica and Paula yesterday for helping me out with the choreo. :) Your comments mean a lot

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Busy Bee

I've been so busy with school. no joke. i have less subjects than what i had during highschool and yet i can't find time to relax, go online, talk on the phone, visit friends, ETC. [no, not the channel hahaha]

So I can't regularly update my blog :( But anyways, i shall share:


Joanna, Jenn, Princess, [i forgot her name :| i'm sorry!], Miguel ''Little Boy'', Hannah, Josh, Erin, Edward, Rita, Cara, Louis, Saira, Me, Pre, Thea, Russel, Ram, Rizza, Kevin, and Ken. They're just some of the people in my block haha. apparently it was Panda Day XD

Yours Truly

Yours Truly